Fairy Barn
by KillaVanilla
Summary: This is a parody of Fairy Tail where most of the guild is farm and most of the characters are animals.
1. Chapter 1: It Begins

**Fairy Barn**

**A Fairy Tail FanFic**

**By KillaVanilla**

**Disclaimer: I'll let you know when I own Fairy Tail**

**Current Pairing: Does there always have to be a specific pair in these things**

**Authors Note: Just read it already**

**Chapter 1: _It Begins_**

Makarov began Monday like any other old farmer. First, he got out of bed and took a bath. After he had dried off he would get breakast, usually eggs and/or bacon. Next, he would check up on his daughter and wake her up if she had not already waken herself up. Then, he'd head to the barn and begin his daily check; collect his chicken's eggs, if they had laid any; weigh his chicken and pigs; slay what needed to be for food. When he was all finished with the barn he would move on to the stables. Makarov loved the stables but not because he liked the smell of their poop or their beautiful manes. He walked up behind a red-haired horse and began talking to it as if it were another person.

"How is my favorite horse?" The old man flirted. The horse responded by farting loudly in his face.

"Ugh, what have I been feeding you. That smells horrible!" The old man coughed and moved on to the next horse.

"Good morning, Father! I have finished with the field crops."

"Ah, good morning, Mirajane. Would you mind helping me with these horses? They're quite a hand full." He asked, gazing at the flatulent horse from before.

"Okay, but only if you clean up the pig sty because there is no way I'm touching those perverted pigs again." She said shaking her head, trying not to think about what happened last time.

"What can I say, they take after their master," he chuckled.

"Father!"

"Okay, okay..." he replied without making eye contact, trying to avoid _**the look**_.

"So, what exactly do you need help with?" she asked him.

"Huh, oh yeah. You can start by brushing Natsu. I'll go get the hay." He ran off in a hurry.

"Okay, hurry back!" She shouted after him. "Why does he always takes so long" she mumbled.

Makarov made his way to his bedroom. When he got there he stopped to rest. The old man was so out of breath he appeared as though he was about to have a heart attack. "Man, I'm getting old, but I ain't done yet!" He reached under his bead and pulled out the latest issue of _Wild Weekly_. He stuffed it in his pants and ran out to the barn. He forced open the door and shut it silently to ensure his dark deed was kept secret. The old pervert sat behind the chicken coupes and began flipping through the pages. "Oh! They're all so sexy, I want that one, and that one," His face got redder and redder with each page he turned. He pointed to the woman he liked and skipped over the _ugly_ ones, if there were any. He noticed a young white-haired woman which reminded him of his daughter.

"Father?" The door opened and Mirajane walked in.

"If we're gonna get any work done today you're gonna have to show a little initiative. What's taking so long?" She lectured. Makarov scurried to the hay stack across from him and engulfed himself in the animal food.

Mirajane looked over and saw a stack of hay. "I guess I'll just do it myself." she complained. Makarov almost screamed out loud when he found himself off the ground.

"What's this?" She noticed the magazine as she made her way out. She grabbed the magazine without looking through it and put it in her pocket.

"I'm gonna have some explaining to do" Makarov thought as he was being carried away.

Mirajane brought the hay and set it down behind one of the horses. Mirajane left again to get some more hay. Makarov waited until her footsteps had faded out completely before he peered out of the haystack. "Coast's clear" he said as he crawled out of the hay stack. When he got up he wiped the hay and dust off his clothes. He stopped when suddenly, "What is this strange feeling I have? Oh no, could it be..." The poor old man looked up and found himself right behind his least favorite animal: Erza. The silver horse kicked him in his head, sending him flying across the stable.

"What did I do to deserve this..." he thought.

"Father, was that you?" It seems she heard the commotion from the barn. She noticed the small man lying in a corner.

"Erza..." he muttered, rubbing the hoof print on the left-side of his forehead.

"Finally come to do some work, Mirajane?" He said as he got up, trying to throw her off topic.

"Oh, yeah..." She said, putting her hands on her hips.

"Good, now take care of Erza, her hair is losing it's color."

"Sure thing, I'll just grab my bucket and sponge." She smiled at him just before she walked off.

"I gotta get some more red dye." He thought, gazing at the red horse.

"I bet I can get back first!" He shouted as he sprinted to his beat-up truck.

Meanwhile...

"Is the coast clear" Whisper a red-maned horse.

"Yep, the coast is clear, Natsu." Said another horse.

"You're not going to try and escape again are you?" Asked a third horse.

"Hey! I _will _escape, Gray!" Natsu shouted.

"Sure."

"I wi-"

"Both of you shut up, you're going to blow my cover." Interrupted Erza. She had been rolling around in hay.

"Today is the day I'm going to finally leave this boring place and become an actress.

"What cover? I can totally see you." Laughed Natsu along with Gray.

"Silence!" Erza interrupted his laughing with a kick in the rear. Gray stopped laughing immediately and started eating hay from his stable.

"So here's what we're going to do..."

_**To Be Continued...**_


	2. Chapter 2: The Decoy

**Fairy Barn**

**A Fairy Tail FanFic**

**By KillaVanilla**

**Disclaimer: I'll let you know when I own Fairy Tail**

**Current Pairing: Still no pairing :p**

**Authors Note: Just read it already**

**Chapter 2: _The Decoy_**

It was a beautiful morning. The cool breeze was nice and the animals were happily going about their days and Makarov and Mirajane were busy with their daily check.

"So here's what we're going to do..." Erza and the gang all huddled over a pile of hay except for Gray who was leaning over a magazine by Erza'a stable.

A small blue dog walked by the stables and stopped when it noticed the horses huddled together.

"Roof, roof," The frightened dog began barking madly.

"Someone stop that dog!" Shouted Gray without taking his eyes off his treasure.

"What is it, Happy? Is something the matter?" Hollered Makarov from away.

"So what's up guys?" The now calm dog said in a mischievous tone.

"What do _you_ want?" Natsu replied, suspicious of his usual antics.

"I heard you guys talking and I want in." Happy responded with a grin.

"Why, you got all the freedom you want right here?"

"Yeah but there aren't any other dogs here and you guys got each other." He sighed.

"Okay, but if you tell anyone else... you're out. I'll drag you back here myself! Is that clear?" Erza but in.

"Wait a se-" Gray tried to cut back in he stopped when he remembered he left his magazine in Erza'a stable.

"Yes, that's clear." Happy nodded.

"Good. Now then-"

"Happy!" Mirajane called out.

"Oh shoot! The daughter is coming! Everybody hide!" Erza alarmed.

Everybody scurried to there stables except for Happy who sat right in place.

"Oh, there you are," Mirajane had entered.

"I've been looking for you." She said as she picked him up.

"I know stupid, I'm not deaf." Happy replied.

"Aww, who's a good dog? You are, oh yes you are!" What Happy had said only came out as barking to her.

"I have to go get some more sponges so I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere you silly dog, you."

Happy signaled the coast was clear.

"Phew! That was a close one." Said Natsu, shaking his head.

"Happy," Erza called fiercely.

"Keep the farmer and his daughter off our trail."

"Aye, sir!" The dog ran out. "Mirajane is taken care of for now so I gotta find Makarov."

"Okay, listen up everyone!" Erza shouted.

"The first thing we are going to do is distribute jobs amongst ourselves."

"Like what kind of jobs?" Natsu asked.

"We are going to need 2 lookouts, 2 decoys, and last but not least, what is a team without a captain." Erza smirked.

"I call team captain!" Natsu interrupted.

"No, _I_ have to be the team captain!" Erza had launched her hind legs into Natsu!

Gray giggled from Erza's stable.

"Now, shall we return to the matter at hand?"

"Sure..." Natsu nodded.

"Okay. Natsu, You smell horrible so you will be one of our decoys." Natsu just nodded again.

Gray giggled again.

Erza turned around and kicked Gray.

"Why are you in my stable?"

"I... don't remember..." he shook his head.

"Then, you will be a lookout."

"Aye." He replied.

"Now all we need is 1 more decoy." She thought.

By now happy had returned. He was sitting quietly besides the left entrance, keeping an eye out for any trouble.

"Happy, I need you to head to the barn and recruit a decoy!" Erza shouted across the room.

"Just one?" Happy replied.

Erza nodded and he was on his way.

"I wonder who would _volunteer_ to be a decoy for our escape mission." He thought.

"Happy was about to enter the barn but he hesitated when he saw Mirajane tending to a chicken.

It was Elfman!

"Of course! He'll do it for sure!"

"Okay, all done!" Mirajane said as she left.

Happy went in unnoticed and approached Elfman.

"Elfman! I need your help with something."

"Hmm!" Elfman turned his attention to Happy.

Happy whispered the entire plan in his ear.

"You plan on escaping the the farm? That's a man!"

"Will you do it, we'll be ready to go if you decide to join us?

"Decoy? A true man's job! I'll do it."

"Yes! Come with me. We must hurry." Happy rushed.

"Carry me?" Elfman looked pitiful.

"We chicken's aren't built for running, although we do it so often."

"Get on." Happy sighed. Elfman climbed on the dog and they went off.

"Stop!" Elfman squawked.

Happy stopped.

"What?" Happy questioned, looking around.

"I have to... lay an egg, if you know what I mean." Happy knew exactly what he meant.

"You can go when we get there!" Happy replied, impatiently.

"O...kay." Elfman farted and Happy began running again without hesitation, trying to ignore the horrible smell which befell him.

When Happy arrived at the stables there was no one there. Happy's jaw had dropped almost all the way to the floor. Elfman jumped off of Happy, stumbled a little, and without hesitation he dropped a deuce right in the nearest stable. He came out moments later. Happy flinched when he smelled the horribleness that was Elfman's _egg_.

"Now what? Are we doing this by ourselves now?" Elfman asked dusting himself off, apparently trying to rid himself of the smell.

"I don't kn-"

"What in the world is that smell?" Erza cut in as she galloped in the door. Natsu and Gray were not far behind.

"We thought we'd lost you for a sec-" Happy rejoiced. He stopped himself when he noticed Erza was not paying any attention to him whatsoever.

"Seriously! What the butt is that smell?" She was serious.

_**To Be Continued...**_


End file.
